Survivors Guide To Digital Transformation

The Book You Need Later Than You Needed It.

After many years of being in and around varying business types from consultancies, to agencies to TV and Retailers, something has become utterly clear and consistent:

No one really has a clue what they are doing.

At the point where this revelation was visited upon me.

I realised that the message had to be passed on.

So here I am, midway through writing a book (of sorts) you need to survive, what they laughingly call, Digital Transformation.

Here is a little sneak peak of what’s coming.

‘Whatever can be digital, will be digital’. Nicholas Negropronte, Being Digital 1995.
This wasn’t a prophecy but a dire warning.

Backlog of groomed prioritised list of story nodes.
Or the contents

It’s not business, its digital business.

Ambivalence is all you can hope for.

Fuck You, Transformation, Love From Marketing. 

Why Starting From Here Is A Bad Idea.

Trust me, I’m a consultant. 

Measure THIS!

You doing this on Purpose?

Ambivalence is all you can hope for.

Hands up if you’ve ever witnessed…

Cockardre – When tech get together and decide that it won’t work and suspiciously not a single one of them is off message.

Mething – a meeting soley for the organiser to make everyone else feel bad about the lack of progress, essentially deflecting guilt. 

Workship – where 15 people gather each side of a long table and are whipped relentlessly with PowerPoint for 6 hours until they reach a destination they didn’t want to be at in the first place. Moreover, unlikely to ever come back from. 

ConCall – If you didn’t call it, you’re the one being conned into something you were, until now, unaware of but now it’s too late to ‘Leave Meeting’.

Screenscare – when on a ‘virtual meeting’ someone shares a screen that is so horrific, everyone does an involuntary gasp. ‘Let me show you the UI designs…’

ProMotion – on presenting an idea so utterly bland yet simple, you nearly shit yourself with the thought that you might get promoted for it.

ConSulting – the 20 mins spent by the client insulting the consultants after they’ve left the meeting only to realise the glass office isn’t  sound insulated that well. 

InSulting – The smirk the consultant deploys as the next invoice goes in to finance for the 3 EVPs who spent a total of 7 minutes on the account. 

Executizz – The utter chaos that ensues when the carefully crafted presentation for the C-Suite leaves them utterly baffled and asking all the wrong questions. 

How long till it’s finished?

Great question. Aiming for Summer 2020.